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Ins and Outs of Intimacy

We know men and women think differently about many things.

The definition of intimacy is no different.

When a woman mentions the word intimacy in a relationship most men will think about intercourse, but she will think about the connection.

Intimacy is defined as closeness, a connection to your partner, knowing someone deeply and being able to be complete. You might even feel like you two are the only ones in the world at that time.

Intimate moment between a couple lying on a bed, signifying the restoration of closeness and trust with Best Hope Therapy.

Intimacy can come in many forms.

  • Sexual Intimacy

This can take place if:

  1. You are able to be open, honest, and naked around each other with the lights on
  2. You are aware of your partner’s sex dreams, insecurities, temptations, turn-ons and turn-offs
  3. You understand each other’s sexual needs
  4. You are open to communication; you can openly express what you like without judgment and what brings each other pleasure
  • Emotional Intimacy

Are you able to talk with your partner about anything and know you it will be judgement free? Can you talk and express your innermost thoughts, boundaries, feelings? When you feel hurt, pain, joy, disappointment and even crying in front of each other. Sharing and being comfortable discussing each other’s hopes, dreams, desires, and worries are an indicator of emotional intimacy.

  • Intellectual Intimacy

Do you know your partner’s favorite artist or book? What are your partners strong topics (football, politics, history, designers, etc.)? What is on the bucket list? Have they always wanted to return to New York City and want to share it with you? Start planning that getaway. You are trading thoughts, things you care and are passionate about.

  • Physical Intimacy

Not sexual intimacy but more like affection… holding hands, making out, cuddling, spooning in bed, even a massage.

  • Spiritual Intimacy

Do you worship as a couple? Do you believe the same? Do you pray before meals? Spiritual intimacy can include sharing morals, values, beliefs, religious views, ethics, walking and exploring nature around you.

  • Creative intimacy

Are you creative in showing your partner how you feel about them? It is important to let your partner know they are loved and appreciated. How about hand-written notes about the things you like about them? Maybe it would be an extra-long kiss in the morning. Think out of the box, let them know they are incredibly special to you.                                 

Do you know their love language? Ask them, they might even know. If not, take a quick quiz A love language is when your partner feels the most love and their heart beats a bit faster.

  • Safety

Do you always feel safe and secure around them? Can you be vulnerable with each other? Has fidelity been talked about? Do you trust they will have your back? Are they even a bit territorial? Do you trust them around your kids alone?

  • Unconditional love

This is loving someone no matter what he/she does and no matter what happens you will always love him/her without reservations, without waiting for anything in return. You do it BECAUSE you want to do it, not because you are expecting them to do the same.

I have also written a blog about how to create intimacy in your relationship.


Larry Baumgartner is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Minnesota & Florida. He is the Founder/Owner of Best Hope Therapy and specializes in infidelity, intimacy, and relationship therapy. Larry is a Solution-Focused Brief Therapist and helps clients reconnect, rebuild, and restore their traditional or non-relationship relationship. To contact us or for more information on how Larry can help your relationship visit