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14 Ways To Create Intimacy For A Lasting Relationship

Intimacy is a closeness to your partner that involves a deeper connection and vulnerability. This takes place through conversation, being okay with silence, letting your guard down and them seeing you in a less than perfect light.

Real, happy, and healthy relationships require intimacy.

There are many types of intimacy from sexual to emotional to spiritual to the ultimate type of intimacy, unconditional love.

In this blog, I share with you ways you can create intimacy for a lasting relationship.

  1. Express Your Love
    Don’t leave intimacy in your relationship on the back shelf. Work at it and do something about it. Put energy and focus on it. Put in the effort to make time for each other. Put away distractions when you’re together. If you need to plan some time to work on intimacy, then do it.
  2. Keep Things Playful
    Be playful, lighthearted, and tease your partner in the sexiest way you know how. Entice, flirt, and play hard to get.
  3. Make Extra Eye Contact With Your Partner’s Left Eye
    One study even found that this technique builds intimacy very quickly and can make a big impact on the connection. Making eye-contact also makes your words more memorable. Typically, the longer the relationship the less eye contact is present. Change that today! Make eye contact a top priority. Show your partner that you are listening to their every word. The results could surprise you.
  4. Show Gratitude
    Studies confirm that a simple “Thank you” can go miles toward building intimacy in a relationship. Show sincerity for what they have done. They will feel appreciated, wanted, needed, and loved.
  5. Find Random Moments To Reach Out And Touch Your Partner
    Some partners love touch, of any type. Be spontaneous. That touch could be on the shoulder, hair, knee or even ears. You might want to give them a big hug. Physical touch is one of the 5 love languages, so if your partner feels loved from touch be there for them. If you’re having sex but not living together don’t go home to your own place afterwards – sleep in the same bed. Your partner will feel cared for, not just desired.
  6. Be An Active Listener
    No distractions. Turn down or mute the television or music and even put the phone down. Voicemails, texts, and emails can wait. You want your partner to feel heard. You could even ask questions about what they tell you… “who, what, where or how”. Active listening shows you really care about your partner’s opinions, desires, fears, and dreams.
  7. Give Positive Indications Of Your Interest
    If you’re enjoying their company let me know. Share exactly how you feel at that moment. And, if you like them and want to see them again don’t be shy… express yourself. Who knows, maybe they feel the same.
Silhouetted couple holding each other at sunset in the mountains, symbolizing hope and connection with Best Hope Therapy
  1. Be Trustworthy
    Say what you mean and do what you said you would. Be reliable. Be dependable. Can you be counted on? If you say you will arrive at 6:00pm, be there then not 7 then apologize.
  2. Show Up During Hard Times
    Is your partner stressed out? Are things becoming overwhelming for him/her? One of the best ways to show support and create intimacy is to be in their presence, listen and empathize. Maybe they need a back rub or a hug. Help them improve their day. How about something to make them smile… a joke or make fun of yourself? Making the effort goes a long way. You care and are sorry to see them suffer.
  3. Create a “Fun List”
    What do you two like to do together now or liked in the past? Put together a list of things that made you smile, laugh, and make new memories. After the list is made it is time to set up times to do them. Doing things together that you both enjoy will strength emotional intimacy. You can even add things you haven’t done yet together but have wanted to.
  4. Spend Deliberate Time Apart
    At first you might think, aren’t we supposed to be with each other to create intimacy? Yes, you are but as the phrase goes and studies have confirmed, “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Encourage each other to spend personal time. It is always important to have your time, either binge watching a favorite show, cooking/baking, watching sports, reading a book or whatever you do with your personal time.
  5. Write A Love Letter
    This means using a pen and paper to write your thoughts, feelings and why they mean the world to you. Typing it on the computer will not give the love letter justice.

The person can look back at this physical piece of paper of your handwriting when they miss you or feel a bit uncertain of your love.

  1. Sleep In Same Bed Without Having Sex
    This might be difficult for some, but the reality is your relationship is not based solely on sex. Embracing them tenderly with no intention of taking things further means your feelings extend past the normal libido urges you have. Just cuddling goes a long way toward building that closeness.
  2. Do Absolutely Nothing
    This may be the most intimate thing two people can ever do. It is difficult for any of us to not have an agenda. We become restless, uncomfortable, or possibly bored.

Now, let’s imagine you are lying next to the love of your life and not doing anything other than taking in life around you, breathing and listening to your heartbeat.

Creating intimacy for a lasting relationship will take time. Don’t expect nor get frustrated that is not there in just months. Keep working daily on making your relationship the best it can be.

Larry Baumgartner is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Minnesota & Florida. He is the Founder/Owner of Best Hope Therapy and specializes in infidelity, intimacy, and relationship therapy. Larry is a Solution-Focused Brief Therapist and helps clients reconnect, rebuild, and restore their traditional or non-relationship relationship. To contact us or for more information on how Larry can help your relationship visit